Finding myself angry that I lost all my writing, I was inspired to write the poem that would then inspire the book. I never gave the poem a title until I started writing this web page. It seems appropriate to call it “Lights Out.”
Lights Out
You weren’t perfect but neither was I
You did things that were incomprehensible, unforgivable
But I stayed by your side
Until your mother stepped in, mom for the win
She thought she was the only one who could save you
But all she gave you were more tools to lie and deceive
She would never admit that you were mentally sick
It was easier to call you a drug addict
But you played her game, at least that’s what you told me
On what’s now the last day you would hold me
And she never knew the truth
That the old demons still haunted you
You just made them your friends and they stayed with you
Until the end
Remember when we were fifteen and you said you would die
By the time you were thirty five?
And when that day arrived you were still alive
But apparently it was on your mind all along
Because now you’re gone
And on that final day as you packed your bags
And walked away
I’ve often wondered what you were thinking
As you drove to our get-away in the woods
Did you really think that you would? That you could?
I imagine you sitting there crying, staring at that candle flame
Alone and feeling shame about what was to come
And who you wanted to feel the blame
But you couldn’t have known it would be me
Smoking one last cigarette, then another
No, just one more
Then stroking that cold piece of metal
knowing it was time to settle the score
Time to silence those voices
For evermore
With no more thoughts, just metal to mouth
And with one quick action, the light went out
Copyright © 2021 by Elless Sayers
All rights reserved.
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